Turning 40

"...I brought back to him as it was in my heart." - Joshua 14:7b

I opened my eyes this morning as a 40 year old (and my lupus knees reminded me:). There were 2 ways to spy out this land. 2 ways to see. One way could be to see no godly husband in bed next to me, no little kiddos chasing each other down the hall, no adventures with them, no job considered by the world as high powered movin’ on up successful, no home I own, no beauty defying the age it is, etc, etc. I could choose to say this land is too intimidating, too much, a statement of what’s impossible or what was never possible, and lose heart. OR I could live by faith.

I could look out and see how incredible it is to live this life and have purpose at 40. How insanely amazing it is to know the God who formed my heart, pursued it like crazy, and called me to Himself. The same God who spun the world, lit up sunrise, and created more views than any eye would ever see in a lifetime...and the fact He entered the war so we could have His life. I could see every dream He blew up so I wouldn't miss His. I could see right now the fact I have 2 good roomies, a place to rent (while not pretty, it’s a great location for the life I have), a chance to love Vickery Kids, great job useful in this generation to reach those living in darkness, a family I love, friends that know me, love, & weather seasons with me. I could take note of the 1000 little things that fill my life reminding me what matters. 40 isn’t a statement. It’s simply a mile marker, reminding me to stay honest and know He is faithful.

At 40, if we’re facing reality, there are no polyannas. But there’s a land of beauty if you’ll open your eyes. Lupus reminds me I may not have the physical strength Caleb had at 85 (or 40) but I sure as heck can have his report at 40 and vision at 85. In college, I said I simply wanted to know the Lord and respond with a pure heart of worship. God never forgot that dream. Every season humbled me toward that pursuit. Grace never let it go. And now at 40, I get to see the land He knew about and He’s just letting me spy out to see if that heart ever learned to see.

God’s goal with Caleb wasn’t Caleb. He just simply made Caleb so His people wouldn’t miss the promise. Grateful.